Love to Listen

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 (NIV)

Listening is an active process involving more than just the ears. The Chinese character for the verb “to listen” contains the symbols for ear, eyes, heart, and undivided attention. Active listening involves giving our undivided attention - hearing with our ears, observing carefully with our eyes, and understanding with our hearts. Today’s challenge is to work hard to put James 1:19 into practise:

1. Be quick to listen: Make an effort to REALLY listen to those who speak to you. Focus hard on truly understanding the other person’s viewpoint. Use the L-I-S-T-E-N-ing skills outlined below.
2. Be slow to speak: For the rest of the day today, before you give an answer, breathe a silent prayer to the Lord asking him to direct your words.
3. Be slow to anger: Try to park your emotional reactions. When you feel your internal temperature rising, ask the Lord to help you gain control. You can read an article on anger by clicking HERE.

L-I-S-T-E-N

Effective communicators love to listen to others. How do they do this? By working at the following LISTEN-ing skills:

LIMIT YOUR LIP: The first aspect of listening is talking less. By limiting your lip you give the other person the opportunity to express his or her thoughts. A philosopher once said, “We have been given two ears and but a single mouth, in order that we may hear more and talk less.” If you truly want to understand the speaker, you will avoid the tendency to monopolize the conversation with your own ideas.

IDENTIFY KEY ISSUES: In most conversations, the speaker will have a central idea or concern that he or she is trying to communicate. Effective listeners use their “spare thinking time” to extract this main thought from the speaker’s words and behavior. They carefully observe the verbal, vocal and visual parts of the message and mentally seek to identify the key issue. They ask themselves questions such as: “How does he feel?” “What does this mean to her?”

SILENCE DISTRACTIONS: Listening distractions can be external; such as ringing cell phones and doorbells, newspaper, radio, TV, or other conversations. Distractions can also be internal, such as preoccupation with other thoughts, fatigue, and stress. Effective listeners do everything possible to silence the internal and external distractions that can hinder their ability to listen.

TABLE CONCLUSIONS: Most of us are guilty of making snap judgments and evaluating others before hearing them out. This temptation is the greatest when the speaker’s ideas differ from our own. Instead of exchanging ideas, conversations turn into verbal combat, with “opponents” trying to conquer and claim victory for their point of view. Effective listeners table their conclusions until they are certain they understand the speaker’s point of view. They listen, echo & inquire to confirm understanding, and then evaluate.

ECHO & INQUIRE: Effective listeners check to make sure they are decoding the speaker’s thoughts and feelings accurately. They do this by reflecting their understanding back to the speaker for verification (echo), and by asking questions (inquire). They do not conclude that they understand until the speaker clarifies and verifies the listener’s decoding. We’ll learn more about how to echo and inquire in the next section’s Tongue Tonic.

NEGATE DEFENSIVENESS: Effective listening is non-defensive listening. The listener’s goal is to understand the speaker’s perspective - what the speaker thinks and feels, and why he or she feels that way. The goal is not to defend, give a rebuttal, or counterattack. Effective listeners negate defensiveness. They are willing to receive, that is, try to understand, whatever message the speaker sends.

Which part of LISTEN-ing do you need to work on? You might want to learn the acronym so you can monitor your own listening habits.

Listening is hard work. Studies show that the physical changes that occur during attentive listening - quickened heart rate, increased respiration and increased body temperature - are similar to the changes that occur during physical exertion. Focusing our energy on listening and observing requires diligent effort on our part. But the effort is well worth it. Listening well is one of the most important factors in communicating effectively.

Working hard at listening will also help you be “slow to speak” and “slow to anger.” How did the James 1:19 challenge go for you? Share your experience by posting a note in the response box at the bottom of this page.

AUTHOR NOTE: Mary Kassian is author of several Lifeway Bible Studies. She and her husband Brent have mastered the art of cheering after spending countless hours watching their sons play ice hockey and volleyball. The Kassian clan and their pets, Miss Kitty and black lab, General Beau, live in Western Canada. (Copyright Mary Kassian, 2008)