It doesn’t seem like that long ago I stopped being a girlfriend and became someone’s wife. Was reading all those books and articles on being the “perfect” girlfriend pointless? Not at all! I learned a lot and it helped lay the foundation for who I am as a wife because the dating relationship is a good indication of what the marriage will be like. But until marriage comes along, what are you supposed to do in a dating relationship? How can you be a godly girlfriend?
1. Be Christ-Centered.
This may seem very basic but it’s the most foundational trait for being a good girlfriend. Any girl that doesn’t have Christ as her center won’t be able to become a godly girlfriend or have a healthy, God-honoring relationship. She’ll be in danger of having her boyfriend become her center, her all, her everything which is honestly, idolatry. Anything coming first in your heart, before Christ, is your god (Deut.11:16).
The greatest command for God’s followers is to love Him with ALL their hearts and souls (Deut. 10:12; Mk. 12:28-30). You must love God foremost before you can truly love a boyfriend or husband.
2. Be Confident in Christ.
She knows who she is in Christ and exactly how He feels about her. She doesn’t “fish” for compliments or need constant assurance of her boyfriend’s feelings. I tended to worry a lot in a relationship. In my insecurity, I worried about the future of the relationship, how he felt, or if he found me attractive. My confidence wasn’t coming from the Lord because I wanted a guy’s approval more (Jn. 12:43).
But a godly girlfriend walks with confidence, with a smile on her face because she knows she’s the daughter of The King (Prov.31:25). She fears the Lord and trusts in His promises for her (Rom.8:28).
Don’t get me wrong, hearing your boyfriend’s compliments or hearing how he feels is great, and he should definitely express he cares for you, but be careful if that brings a smile to your heart more than knowing God, who created you, loves you more and thinks you’re far more beautiful than any man could.
3. Be Encouraging
Since a godly girlfriend’s Christ-centered, she’s able to encourage her boyfriend in his relationship with God. It’s as simple as saying, “Ok, we’re going to end hanging out earlier tonight because I need time with God ” or “What’d you learn at church today?”
While the godly girlfriend encourages her boyfriend’s relationship with God, she doesn’t lead him in it or to it. He should already be actively going to church, not going just because she started taking him. She’s an encourager, not enforcer or leader (1 Thess.5:11; Rom. 1:12). He must have his own growing relationship with God.
Not only do godly girlfriends encourage their boyfriends spiritually but they also encourage them emotionally (Prov.14:1; 21:7). Guys need to know they’re respected. If your boyfriend gets a scholarship, a job promotion, or hits a home-run at his game, let him know you’re proud of him.
4. Be Supportive
A good girlfriend supports his hobbies (Phil.2:4). Sports are a big part of my husband’s life so I knew that if I went to support him it would mean a lot. I didn’t always feel like going but because I cared about him, I went to support him.
Find out what your boyfriend’s interested in and support him. Play a video game with him sometimes. Listen to him practice the guitar. Whatever it is, show you care about the things that matter to him, not just what matters to you.
5. Be Independent.
A godly girlfriend not only has her own spiritual walk but also HER OWN LIFE. She doesn’t forget her friends or family when she gets a boyfriend. Instead, she keeps them close and makes time for them (Prov.11:14; Eccl. 4:9-10). Even in Song of Songs, the friends protected, encouraged, and held their beloved girl friend accountable.
She doesn’t throw away her own interests and desires. I was involved in Alex’s hobbies but I kept the things I loved. I went to his games and he went to my tennis tournaments. Don’t forget, your interests and hobbies make you unique and special.
A godly girlfriend keeps seeking God’s will for her life. Until I was engaged, I didn’t make my plans the same as Alex’s. I didn’t know if we were going to get married so I kept with the plans I knew the Lord had for me. I didn’t change my degree to match his or start planning on living where he was. I didn’t plan my life around him but around what I knew God had for me at that moment in my life (Prov. 3:5-6).
6. Be Nice
There’s things, like making dinner or folding laundry that didn’t start when I got married. There wasn’t a “Do good things for him” switch that automatically turned on once I said “I do.” It goes against my very nature as a sinful human. I had to start practicing beforehand.
While we were dating, when I went to Wal-Mart, I would pick up something Alex needed. I tried to actively think about him and his needs. You don’t have to be a good cook or skillful at anything to do something nice for your boyfriend. You just have to be thoughtful (Prov.31:12).
It comes down to is: Is Christ your first love? Do you date godly guys? Are you thoughtful of your boyfriend? When these 3 things are in check and God is the center of your dating life then the dating road will be a lot less bumpy. Of course, not every relationship will end in marriage but each one will be healthier, more God-honoring, and filled with a lot less regrets because God’s in control.